General

What is more important?

Neither – its a polarity – they need to be balanced and present

Lots of managers have fantastic hard skills – often that is what got them the job in the first place.

But if there is a lack of soft skills

• they lose people – lots of people.

“a toxic culture is the biggest factor pushing employees out the door during the Great Resignation” -Sloan Review

Previously we accepted high turnovers. We shrugged it off – ‘that’s the industry’ we said to each other.

It was easy to find replacements.

That is no longer the case

In the future, we will need a better balance

The courage to act

I promise you

It’s not more planning, bigger goals or even new KPI’s that is going to get you through the coming year.

You will need one thing and one thing only.

Courage

The courage to act

The biggest threat you face at the moment is to get bogged down in passivity while you are waiting for things to get better.

Things are not going to get better or worse for that matter.

‘Things’ are what they are

Uncertain, unpredictable, and continuously evolving. 

This Corona thing is just an accelerator for so much that has been percolating for a while.

On a high level, what is happening is that we are transitioning from a period where things were complicated to a situation where things are beyond complicated – they have become complex. 

In a complex world, there are no known answers – no experts to turn to. Situations are unfolding and developing constantly. There is no longer agreement on how things work or what will happen when we do x y or z.

To navigate this uncertainty, we need to experiment. To test things out. 

That way, if we are smart, we can learn and adapt.

The crucial part is the do part – without the doing, we will lack vital information.

But taking action in the face of uncertainty requires courage.

• Courage to accept a lot of failures
• Courage to be critiqued for trying and missing
• Courage to get up and try again

So you just need to find the courage.

I think I can help you with that.

For years I have operated a coaching system that I call Micro Coaching – it is basically an adaptation of a basic action learning concept.

It works like this

Every Friday morning, you receive an e-mail from me with the following questions:

• What was your focus this past week?
• What did you do?
• What did you learn?
• What will you focus on next week?

You answer the questions and return them to me before the end of the weekend. Monday – latest Tuesday I will send you my reflections, thoughts and feedback.

We continue the same process every week.

You will be surprised at how much it helps you stay on track. But most importantly, it will help you find the courage to act – and that is your secret weapon for 2021.

Click the link here, and it will take you to the page I created to describe the concept in more detail.

The courage to act

All the best

Mike

What does a John Le Carré book, the TV series ‘Friends’ and the movie ‘The Lion King’ have in common? What is the common denominator?They’re all created, using a drama triangle. A drama triangle is a key to create a captivating story, a story that stirs people’s emotions and gets you hooked on the plot. Drama triangles are the reason you binge watch Netflix series. Drama triangles, however, never produce any tangible results. That is why when used skilfully and you continue watching the same series season after season. They hook you.

Every time we go ‘below the line’ with our feeling of being right, we also automatically start a drama triangle.

Exploring what it takes to become a great team leader by avoiding the drama

This is the fourth blog post in my series around leadership skills and how we become great team leaders by focusing on followership .

We are using a simple but powerful model that I call above the line and below the line. You may need to go back to this post in the series in order to get the full explanation. Briefly, above the line, we are constructive, we are positive, we are cooperative, we are open to solutions. Below the line we are closed, defensive and not very cooperative.Obviously, below the line we don’t create a lot of followership.

What most of us don’t realise is that we drop below the line and start a drama triangle much more often that we are aware of.

Here is the video version:

And – as a new service to you my reader here is the sound track in case you prefer that version

The principle of the drama triangle

If you take a course in how to write a screenplay for Hollywood, they will introduce you to the concept of the drama triangle. It is the template that nearly everyone uses in order to create a captivating story. It works like this: In order for us to have a captivating story, we need a victim. Somebody who gets hurt, persecuted cheated, whatever.

And in order to produce a victim, we need a villain. Somebody who does something bad to the victim. And then to save the day, we need a hero who will come to the rescue of our victim.

With these three elements we have the basics of a good story. The series ‘House of Cards’ is a great example. It is easy to identify the three roles of Victim, Villain and Hero. Or is it? Because when the drama triangle is used well, the roles shift. Suddenly the hero is the villain; the victim the hero and then it shifts again, the victim is now the villain etc. It’s very, very powerful. The beauty of the dram triangle is that there is never a solution. It just goes round and round creating endless waves of hot emotions. That is what keeps you glued to the screen episoden after episode, season after season.

When you go below the line you start a new drama

When you let your mindset drop below the line, often triggered by your feeling of being right, you automatically start off a drama triangle because you will pick one of the three roles for yourself.

You will choose to see yourself as the victim: Why does nobody understand me? Or you take the villain role: These people are stupid they need to understand that I am right. Or you may choose to be the hero: I am going to save these people from their ignorance. One role is not better that the other they are all toxic in each their way. But that is only part of the story. When you initiate a drama triangle you trigger the people around you to take one of the other roles. It’s a game or a dance if you like and we all know instinctively how to play this game.

And in our blissful state of autopilot switched to ‘survival’ we just click in and take our role whenever someone invites us to have a game of drama triangle.

You come home from work. And yell at the kids for again leaving their bikes in the driveway. You are the villain, they are the victims. Your wife, the hero, jumps in and defends them. Then she switches gear and ask you why you are late again for dinner and gives you an ear full. You favourite daughter throws her armes around you and declares that it is so lovely to have you home… and so it goes round and round. If nobody stops the game it will just continues every evening until the relationship is totally toxic.

Some team leaders are chronic drama queens

Bad team leaders operating below the line also play this game, endlessly. They persecute a team member for doing something wrong (Villain). They complain to the team that ‘upstairs’ has again put pressure on them to get better results or that this week they will be putting in more hours than anyone else (Victim)*, or they take over a task from a team member to do the task themselves (hero) instead of teaching the team members how to do it. And if the team members are not aware of what is going on they just play along – they know how it goes, it’s a well known game and it repeat itself every day. No results. No improved outcomes, lots of frustration and produce no genuine engagement.

When a team leader operates from the below the line in this way the rest of the team is dragged below the line – and so are the customers they are supposed to service with constructive solutions. The negativity spreads.

(*A favourite victim role with team leaders, is to play ‘look how overworked or busy I am…’. It’s also called ‘poor little me’. It a great game judging by how many people choose to play along.)

How not to get sucked into the drama triangle

There is only one way out of the toxic drama triangle and that is to stop the game. It can be done by asking the magic question from previous blog post.

I wonder…

• how we could find a solution?
• if you could help me learn how to do it right?
• what would you suggest we do about that?

The last one is my favourite. It is a real drama triangle game spoiler. With that question you reclaim the high ground above the line and you invite others to join you and stop the game playing.

How much drama can you spot around you?

As your task for the week I invite you to notice how many drama triangles you can identify happening around you, in your team, at home or just watching your favourite soap series. Notice also how clients play drama triangles with us as well. They attack us, they play victim, they play heroes, they do the same thing. They try to draw us into a drama. And the only way again is to ask the key questions for us to break out of the drama and decline the invitation to be part of the drama triangle dance or game.

Next week I will go a bit deeper into more variants of the drama triangle roles and how easily we get trapped below the line in the toxic patterns of communication – some of them are quite subtle and tricky to spot.

This week I’d like to explore a mindset model that will help you raise your awareness of your own mindset and how that influences how you come across as a team leader. 

In my previous blog post I started exploring the notion of leadership, leadership skills, what it takes to become a good team leader. Here we will dive deeper into what else it takes to develop followership as a team leader.

You get two versions video or full text. Pick whatever works best for you.

Here is a very simple mindset model that I use with leaders

The mindset model like all good models is simple and powerful. Integrate it into your tool box and you will be coming back to it again and again. I promise.

Above the line and below the line. 

You can approach life and each situation from two points of view. Above the line or below the line. Depending on what you choose you will see yourself and others very differently.

When you operate from a state of mind that is above the line you are at ease, open and in a state of trust. On the other hand, if you are operating in a state that is below the line, you are essentially in a state of threat ( Fight, flight, freeze) and closed.

If you operate from a mindset that is above the line then it’s suddenly about everything that is not you. It’s all about the project, it’s about all of us, it’s how we develop this, how we solutions etc.

When you operate from a mindset that is below the line – in a state of treat – everything becomes about you.

When I’m above the line, I’m responsive. I think about the issue before I respond. I weigh my words a little bit more carefully and try to see the bigger picture.

In a below the line mindset I just react ( in defence) to what shows up.

So, we could summarise our mindset model like this: When I am above the line it’s about outcomes.When I’m below the line, I am essentially just defending my fragile little ego.”

You know what it feels like.

If you think about it you know the difference between being above the line and below. When you are above the line you are learning and growing, there is this sense of flow. Things are going smoothly. On the other hand, when you are below the line every step is struggle every interaction with others is a battle. Your interactions with other people is  anywhere from mildly- to deeply toxic

The first step is self-awareness 

Are you able to detect if you are above or below the line in any give situation – do you even notice? Do you notice that your body reacts in certain ways when you are below the line (we all react differently). What are signs you pick up when you feel even slightly threatened?

And once you notice, are you able to tell yourself the truth about what’s going on?

I am feeling slightly scared just now. This person is is challenging my know how how and it makes me angry.

The second step is to understand that being above or below the line is largely choice you have made – it is not something some one else has imposed on you.

That also means that if you feel like it, you can chose a different state of mind:

• shift from being closed to open
• shift from being defensive to being curious
• stop wanting to be right and wanting to learn instead
• stop being reactive and start being responsive
• end the drama and start creating something worthwhile

It your choice

But you can’t make that call if you are not even aware what is happening. If you don’t notice, if you are on zombie autopilot rushing through your todo list, just trying to return all the balls that are coming at you, back over the net trying to drop as few as possible, then there is not much awareness. 

That’s a catastrophe. It’s really a catastrophe. 

So, we’re going to be exploring this mindset model a bit further in my future blog posts

What does it take to cultivate more awareness? How do I consciously make these important shifts in my mindset – how can I change my state of mind? 

What actually goes on below the line? Because I’ve given you a few hints but to be honest it’s quite a swamp down there. I mean drama triangles galore, and all sorts of other nonsense that you need to be able to identify and flag for yourself so that you can decide on an appropriate response.

We will also explore when is it OK to be below the line – because sometimes it is . You are not a robot. The only thing that is not OK is to not to be aware that you are below the line.

A final thought for you

So until next time here is a final though for you:

When you now think about being a teamleader – how much followership do you think you can generate from a mindset that is operating from below the line?

What happens if most of us during the day are all operating below the line in our organisations? What kind of a company culture do you think that creates?

It’s gets toxic, really toxic.

So, your assignment for the week is to start to notice. Just ask yourself a few times during the day ( set a reminder on your phone very 90 minutes) Where am I just now: Above or below the line?

If you would like to dive deeper into this subject I highly recommend : “Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps: How to Thrive in Complexity” by Jennifer Carvey Gerber