General

In the fast-paced world of service management, relationships often take a backseat. We treat them with a certain fatalism as if they’re destined to either work or not. But just like a long-lasting marriage, sustaining quality professional relationships takes conscious effort.

 The Misconception of Fate

We frequently adopt an almost romanticised notion about our work relationships: “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” This hands-off approach might spare you some emotional labour short-term, but it’s a ticking time bomb for inevitable relationship challenges.

 The Art of Social Contracting

Peter Block brilliantly termed the upfront efforts in establishing a working relationship as ‘social contracting.’ It’s the understanding that both parties need to commit to a mutually beneficial relationship. No more leaving things to fate or chance; let’s get pragmatic about how we interact.

(The whole subject of social contracting and how to do it is a new post, so that will be for later.)

 Maintenance over Mayhem

In a world where interdependency trumps solo efforts, relationship maintenance isn’t just good emotional hygiene—it’s a strategic imperative. You can’t afford to let any cog in the machine rust in complex service environments. It’s about ongoing attention, timely tune-ups, and, when necessary, full-scale interventions.

 Resetting the Dials

Things don’t always go smoothly—misunderstandings, mismatched expectations, or the classic blame game can easily sour relationships. When things do go south, it’s your responsibility to reset the relationship dials. Being passive will only let the issue fester; taking action can steer the ship back on course.

 Make Time for What Matters

Don’t underestimate the power of carving out time for relationship upkeep. Even a brief weekly check-in can go a long way in ensuring everyone is aligned, valued, and heard.

Remember, you’re not just maintaining relationships but sustaining the foundations of effective management.

Check out Plays well with others if you would like to get good at this.

In an era where complexity is the norm rather than the exception, especially in the service industries, one word stands out as a beacon of hope: interdependency. 

 The Illusion of Independence

We often hear about the merits of independence, especially when it comes to leadership. The self-made manager, the lone wolf who sets their own course—these archetypes have their value, but they can also be a mirage that diverts us from a powerful truth. If we strive for independence at the cost of ignoring the web of interactions surrounding us, we’re setting ourselves and our teams up for failure. 

 The Realities of Complexity

Service industries are not necessarily complicated, but they are undeniably complex. What’s the difference? Complexity comes from the unpredictable nature of the variables involved. Take a hotel on any given day—how many reservations might be cancelled? What if the chef calls in sick? What if a sudden event floods your venue with guests? These variables create a domino effect, impacting all departments, from housekeeping to the front desk. 

 A Symphony of Success

In this unpredictable environment, no one wins unless everyone wins. Think about it: a guest’s experience doesn’t start and end at the reception. It’s a combination of clean rooms, prompt service, delightful meals, and courteous interactions. It’s a symphony, and like any good symphony, all the musicians—or in this case, all the departments—need to be in harmony. 

 Leading through Interdependency

So, if you’re a manager with department heads reporting to you, take note. Fostering interdependency is not about micromanaging each section; it’s about creating a culture where the strings, woodwinds, and percussion—the reception, housekeeping, and kitchen—can work in seamless coordination. But that only happens when they have strong, positive relationships with each other. If not they will just focus on their part and disregard what happens elsewhere.

Connection before Content

By focusing on interdependency, you’re putting ‘connection before content.’ You’re acknowledging that relationships form the backbone of any successful endeavour, especially in an arena where customer experience reigns supreme.

Interdependency isn’t just a buzzword—it’s your roadmap to harmony and success. But it requires a deliberate effort on the part of the leader to create that culture.

Learn more about creating a team where every one Plays well with others.

We talk about a lot of things when it comes to organisational success–KPIs, growth strategies, ROI–you name it. Yet, we often skip over a vital piece that’s right in front of us: the quality of relationships among managers. The old saying “Plays well with others” isn’t just for your childhood report card; it’s a crucial metric for professional growth, too.

This is how I see it:

Connection Before Content

If Alfred Adler’s wisdom could be condensed into a bottle, it would be labelled, “All our challenges are basically interrelationship problems.” The lack of strong relationships is usually the breeding ground for conflict, low morale, and inefficiency. So, let’s be clear–our ability to “play well with others” in the managerial sandbox is not a soft skill; it’s a core skill.

The Emotional Quotient: Not Just a Number

As a manager of managers, it’s tempting to view Emotional Intelligence (EI) as the fluffy stuff, the icing on the cake of hardcore business skills. Wrong. EI is your capacity to relate, understand, and be understood. It’s the difference between a symphony and a cacophony in the workplace.

Bias and Beliefs: Navigating the Minefield

Let’s be honest, our worldviews shape our relationships, often subconsciously. But as managers, we can’t afford to let personal biases sabotage team dynamics. Addressing our biases and beliefs is uncomfortable yet essential work. If Peter Drucker had a mantra for this, it might be: “Culture eats strategy for breakfast.”

Personal Accountability: Owning Our Reactions

Victor E. Frankel put it succinctly: “Between stimulus and response, there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” The ability to respond rather than react is a subtle art that comes with personal development. Before blaming the external environment, let’s take a moment to evaluate how our own perception influences our reactions.

The Interdependent Web: Our Global Reality

Our world is knitted tightly in a fabric of complexity. Success in such a scenario can’t be a lone wolf endeavour. Interdependence is not just a buzzword–it’s a lifeline. Peter Block might say, “The answer to how is yes.” This means that our collective potential to solve complex problems skyrockets when we focus on quality relationships.

The Final Word

Emphasising the quality of work relationships is not a “nice-to-have”; it’s a “must-have.” It’s time to dust off the old “Plays well with others” badge and pin it proudly on your lapel!

#Leadership #WorkplaceRelationships #EmotionalIntelligence #Interdependence

I find this video so inspiring – I hope you do aswell

Emotional safety, it’s interesting. Five years ago, we did not talk a lot about this, but since Amy Godmonson especially put this on the map for all to see, it has become an important and much-discussed topic when we talk about Leadership development.

John Hibss just posted a great piece here on this that made me think: This is such an important point – but I wish I could get more people to understand the subtleties involved.

Emotional safety is one of these things that we all understand. Nod our heads and go: “Yes – so important. Thankfully not something I need to be too concerned about – can’t imagine anyone on my team feeling emotionally unsafe.”

Well, I have news for you (and us all ) – we make a lot more people feel emotionally unsafe than we often imagine. I know this because, in my job, I often coach people from the same organisation but at different levels as part of my Grow Leadership program. And I observe this unfolding again and again.

So many brilliant, well-meaning managers are unaware of how their sense of humour, moods, decision patterns, goal setting, meeting style, lack of inquiry, focus on advocacy etc. etc, impacts people around them.

The best way to become more self-aware is to try and notice – but truly pay attention to – everyone on my team contributing. ( in the broadest sense of the word). And if you get the feeling that someone is holding back – even just the slightest – they are probably holding back because they are unsure if it is safe to contribute fully. ( you can define ‘contribute’ as it applies in your context)

In my coaching practice, I think that I spend more than 50% of the time working with managers on some aspect of their collaboration with others. Situations that, for some reason, are dysfunctional or even, at times, toxic.

For the person involved, it is often a ‘big thing ‘ that takes up much bandwidth, and at the end of the day, it can’t help but affect their output negatively.

The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our results.

But for some funny reason, we rarely pay much attention to developing collaborative skills – When things are difficult, it is obviously because someone else is [ ] put in whatever applies ( Stupid, incompetent, tone-deaf)

Collaboration is a learned skill, and it is really not that hard. And surprisingly its not so much about the others… it’s all about us

Not since kindergarten days did you get a report card that scored you for “Plays well with others” or not…

Maybe now is the time